I just cut my nipple shaving
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
