it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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