My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
