Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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