He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
