Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there's paper in my vomit.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize