alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
