just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
