i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
