i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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