There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
