She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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