I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
