No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
