Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
