Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
