ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
