You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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