Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
