I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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