took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
that's an acceptable place to lick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
