Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
