oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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