ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
