We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
