this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
