I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
