the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
