as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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