Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
