wanna go halves on a baby?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
