One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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