We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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