Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize