Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
