fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
