My nipple is on Facebook.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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