An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
