I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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