I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
