Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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