She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
