I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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