Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
