even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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