Just cropdusted the office
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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