She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
