True but thats because hes a fetus.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
