She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At least make sure they are 18
Why
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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