just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
