like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
