i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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