My friends, they love my intelligence
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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