Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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