Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
