we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
