Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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