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So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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