Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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