Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
