I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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