I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
