tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come share oat with me in your robe
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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