i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
