she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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