great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
