you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
