Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
