It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
