the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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