whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
