I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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