Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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