Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize