And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
